Hi. I’m White, and I like to party. (feat. Street Scene Tours, Mizers, and The La Els)

So imagine this: You’re at The Corner Cafe. 8:30am on a Saturday. Your scramby eggs and bacon have just arrived. You think to yourself “Ah, what a beautiful way to start a relaxed weekend after my busy week”. At that very moment, you see four Durban musos negotiating the exit of their car, with a bottle of tequila and wine in hand… 8:30am. “TwoSlice!! Let’s do this!”. And on that, you wave your relaxed weekend goodbye.

Paul, Jonas, Matt, Marty

So here’s the skinny… The Zero31 crew (The Dark Knight of Guide To Happiness fame and Derryn from CityLove photography) teamed up with Street Scene Tours and took some of the guys from The City Bowl Mizers (Marty and Matt) and The La Els (Jonas and Paul) out on what can only be described as a Get-To-Know-The-Real-Durban Tour. Look ok, I don’t know what the tour is called but if it was called The Get-To-Know-The-Real-Durban Tour, not only would it live up to it’s name but I would also claim a ton of cash from Rich and Sthembiso of Street Scene for coming up with that name myself. The point is, that’s what we’re doing- taking big bands and celeboids on tours of our beautiful city, ensuring that they see it for what it is, fall in love, and always come back.

Sthembiso- Educator and purveyor of funny shirts.

Street Scene have been billing their tours as alternative tours of Durban. Which is odd, because in my books you see Durban in it’s most accurate and true light when you’re jolling with Rich and Sthembiso- but when you’ve been told your whole life that Durban’s levels of fun don’t exceed further than a rickshaw ride and watching soccer moms and their too-young-to-where-that-dress offspring shop at Gateway, then what we did is not only experience the real Durban but certainly alternative as well.

Anyway, where was I…

Oh ja. 8:30am. Well, fast forward through my breakfast and me trying to interpret Jonas’ hangover dialect and it’s now 9:00am.

We pile into the Street Scene quantum which picks us all up from The Corner Cafe and quicker then you can say “Don’t judge me, it’s already afternoon in Asia”, that bottle of tequila is dropping faster than Julius Malema’s credibility as a nation-builder. First stop, is The Elephant House. The historical significance? It’s the oldest house still standing in Durbs and is on the portion of Ridge Road that used to be the boundary between town and country back in the day. Say it with me: 160. That’s right, 160 years old and still in use.

A tea room for big boys

Usually you pull in to the CBD at this point and get a mad lesson on culture and the history of our town. We opted to spend more time in Inanda and KwaMashu, so left this part out on this trip. Seriously, Rich and Sthembiso have found so much mind-blowing stuff to see and do in Durban that you can fully customize any tour you book with them. Too cool. When you book your tour with them, you definitely want to waai down to the CBD, after your mind-tank has been dominated by questions of how you’ve never known your town was this awesome- you can refuel at Little Gujarat’s and start your exodus from white suburbia and into some of Durban’s largest and most vibrant townships.

Our very next stop is Inanda; the house where Mahatma Gandhi lived during his 20-odd years in South Africa as well as the printing press he started. You end up thinking to yourself “Crap! I’m closer to 30 then I am to 20, have lived most of my life in Durban- why have I never been here!”. At that point, when you think it can’t get better, you’re taken to John Dube’s grave (the founder of the ANC) and Sthembiso shouts out that we’re all going to walk down to the school where Mandela voted in ’94, where the ballet box still stands. Are you even joking?!

"Don't drop it in or we'll have to do a recount"

Washa! (a local said I'd be cool if I said that)

All of this is a 15 minute drive from Musgrave. Can you handle?

Anyways, it’s all quite sobering and to be honest quite necessary. Most of us whiteys still live in our little white moon bases (go read My Traitor’s Heart by Rian Malan) where we think our cosy and priveleged suburbs are a true reflection of how the whole of South Africa lives. Hell, my mate told me of one of his young students who, when asked what he thought, replied that the South African demographic is split 50/50 between white and black. I blame the parents.. this is another post for another time though.

So, after you’ve been taught a valuable lesson in South African history, you start making your way to the jol of the tour- the lunch at what is essentially an insanely rad tavern. If it was a book which would later be adapted into a movie starring a less annoying version of Julia Roberts, it would be called “Eat, Drink, Dance”.

You've never tasted wors this good. The whole tour is worth just this wors.

This is where the rock ‘n roll started coming out of the band boys. Can you blame them? On the way to lunch, we stopped at a place called Mt. Zion- a cave in the middle of a sheer cliff where a family of rastas have lived for a few years, then stopped at a little tea room for adults (its sells tons of booze) in the middle of the veld where we danced like mad men outside on the road with the locals. At this point it’s interesting to note how you can cross into a different world just by driving 20 minutes out of the city- there were cows walking past our rain dance, and none of the men at the store could really speak English. Assumptions are broken, and you realise so much can be communicated through a smile, a hug, or just opening up and being vulnerable. Trust me, it doesn’t get more vulnerable then dancing like the lanky white guy you are in front of a group of black guys who have more rhythm then Gloria Estefan and Zac Efron’s hypothetical love child.

Zion

We then drove into the heart of KwaMashu, to a restaurant/bar/tavern/jol/vibe where we ate wors that tasted like it was cooked and given to us straight off the braai grids of heaven. But more on this spot in another post.. All I know is we watched Chiefs own Pirates, climbed on roofs to salvage half a loose that someone had thrown away (okay, that was me), could buy a car with the amount of money we’d get after returning our empties, Marty struck up a thick bromance with a guy called Siya, Matt got attacked in the van, Paul is a kick-ass pimp that can own any jol he walks into, Jonas is a cuddly drunk, and we all made more friends in KwaMashu than we could count.

My Zulu is still crap. I need to go again.

Check out all the photos of our insane day here..
CityLove’s take on the day, here..
and watch out for Dark Knight’s version coming soon.

Speaking of The La Els, they are running an insane comp where you could win over 20K worth of prizes by voting for them in the last push of Global Moguls, and the Mizers are going to be hitting some insane gigs with Van Coke Kartel this December. This is going be a good holiday season.

Hugs and Kisses
TwoSlice Dré